Friday, April 6, 2012

Nothing Nice To Say

Ugh!! If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. I've been holding my tongue for so long that I'm at a bursting point. I don't want to cause conflict and I've bent over for so many years that change seems impossible. I've finally made a small change and of course it's pouting time. Why? Why don't you plan ahead. Because I have 4 kids, 2 jobs and a life. I don't plan ahead for anything. Only what is directly in front of me. It may seem chaotic to others, but it works for me.

I've had 2 huge PTA projects at school come together beautifully this year by my way of last minute work. I have had parents come up to me and say they thought it wouldn't get done (and it drove them a little nuts), but in the end it was accomplished and the event was successful. That's because I ROCK!!

Now I'm dealing with holidays. I am understanding why my parents moved 4 hours away from their parents. I love grandparents. I love that they want to be part of my kids lives. But it's my turn. Why do I have to give up every holiday to do what they want? Why do we have to always go to their house? Does my house and manners suck that bad? I like to think of ways to make the holidays fun, but I'm always watching the clock because we have to be somewhere by a certain time so that they can celebrate and make memories somewhere else. My kids will have had a wonderful childhood because so many people love them, but I will have tainted memories of always having to go somewhere and holding my tongue. 

I would love to spend a holiday with all of my family. My family and my husbands family at my house. We make a last minute decision (because that's how I roll) to host Easter at our house so that I can see my brother and his 3 boys and I'm told that grandma "might" make it over. What the hell. Suck it up and enjoy your grandchildren in any capacity. My week next week is absolute hell and I don't want to be gone all day Sunday. 

My happy pills aren't working this week. Tears are near and I'm afraid I'll probably say something that will never be forgiven. Because that's how they roll.

Hmm. Now I have the stress that this will be read, taken out of context and blow up in my face. But I DON'T CARE. I need to be with my kids in the way I want to be with them. My oldest is turning 12 and will be out of the house (fingers crossed) in 6 more years. Then she will go on to make a family and memories with her kids and I will be going to her house and visiting with those beautiful angels. With 4 kids, this will be interesting for me to get to everyone.

OK. I'm better. Thanks for reading (listening). That's what all you wonderful and unknown friends are for.

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